To Have And To Hold

...It will stimulate important discussions about why men batter women and what must be done to stop it.

...offers hope about the potential for violent men to change and take responsibility for their feelings and actions.

...a welcome and hopeful articulation of the abuse issue, one which will add immeasurably to programs at public libraries and community service groups.

...gets to the root causes of the abuse of women with poignancy and good taste.

...an absorbing, challenging and insightful film.

Although most films on battered women have focused on the woman's situation, this one takes a look, in cinema verite style, at the man's side. To Have and To Hold presents various men who have assaulted their wives or lovers and who have subsequently been helped by a counseling service known as Emerge. Each felt that violence was his only way of controlling family situations; each thought it was the man's job to dominate women; each has trouble feeling and expressing emotions. One man actually says, "I'd sooner see her dead than ruin our marriage." In group sessions the wife-beaters learn they are not unique; more important, they learn that wives are persons, not possessions, and that interpersonal communication is a better way of solving family problems than is violence. The film also contains statements from police officers who attest that the problem is usually kept secret but is widespread, and does not discriminate by social or economic level. This film does throw a great deal of light on the kind of society that produces men who resort to violence. But the best thing about it is its depiction of the counseling service, which seems to have the answers to helping men who want to change. Although made as a general film about wife-beating and intended for the public, it could be used as part of training for mental health counselors, to stimulate discussion on ways of curbing domestic violence.